I Have ADHD. Am I Autistic?—Wait, What’s AuDHD?

Autism, ADHD, or BOTH?

AuDHD, to be clear, is not a formal diagnosis.

It describes a long-overlooked reality that there is yet at least one more divergent neurotype that is defined by an undefined combination of Autistic and ADHD traits.

As a person who was late diagnosed in 2001 with ADHD, I did not consider the possibility that I also had Autistic traits until approximately 2010, while deep diving into understanding what was then referred to as Adult Asperger's Syndrome.

At that time and until 2013, the DSM said you couldn't have both neurotypes, so I tried to let the notion go…internally thinking, given all I had read, they (the DSM makers) were wrong.

Seeing the overlaps of executive function, sensory differences, common communication styles, health challenges, and other neurodivergent social norms, I thought:

💡 Perhaps we are talking about the same brain type?

Fast forward, research has proven that AuDHD is a third brain type!

I say "at least" because of the many ways AuDHD displays in human strengths and challenges.

My Journey to Understanding

So what made me consider that I am AuDHD?

🙂‍↔️ Not the formal Autism evaluation that I underwent…the evaluator seemed slanted and under experienced…I can't trust the person if they can't answer my detailed questions, has not considered all possibilities, knows less than I do, and is annoyed by my many questions (yes, I know these are Autistic raits).

🙂‍↔️ I did not have childhood passions ,and I can't stick to a routine to save my life (even though I need them). Tell me how I can be Autistic then?

🙂‍↔️ Not the many overlapping Autistic and ADHD qualities like deep thinking…

So what then?

Here are some of the specific experiences and traits that helped me understand my AuDHD brain:

My unique characteristics that can't be attributed to ADHD alone.

1. Although I do not recall a single special interest as a child, I was acutely aware of people and studying people. When someone had a revelation about someone I know, I had already observed it. Saying so has never boded well. I have to remind myself of that regularly.

   
   

2. When I need to know something, I have to consciously work to not get lost in learning about it. YET I must know all the details and feel very unprepared if I don't. What I don't know will hold me back and cause me anxiety. This is just natural, and I don't understand why others don't do this.

   
   

3. I do not know how to have surface friendships. I have recently begun working on this, I am not kidding. Did you know that every friendship does not have to involve knowing their trials, tribulations, and most profound thoughts?

   
   

4. I can be naive and have thought people were my trusted friends who were actually talking badly about me or in some way hurting me. I am careful of whom I allow in as a friend and am clear with myself what my boundaries are for friendship. I like having friends, but I do find that it takes a lot of time and energy to maintain a certain level of closeness, and I am happy with just a few trusted friends.

   
   

5. If you are my close friend, it's real, and I am loyal. If I tell you about my personal thoughts or passions, I am only telling you. If you tell others without my approval, I am shocked and hurt. This is not literal or specific to every friendship, but it is mostly true.

   
   

6. My ADHD friends see things about me that make me different than them, and my Autistic friends see me as different than them. YET I understand both of them, externally and internally. I tend to be a natural translator between neurotypes.

   
   

7. Growing up, teachers and other adults commented on my natural logic and unique word choices. I have to assure people regularly that "I just talk this way", no AI did not write my post (usually that's clear from the spelling 😂).

   
   

8. I did not know how to "do" outdoor recess in elementary school. Indoor involved games or dress up (different from pretend play), and it was clear how to enter. Outdoor had not been taught, so I couldn't figure out how to "do" it. I asked a friend once, who gave a vague reply and ran away. I resigned myself to the swings, wishing I could do what the others were doing and wondering how they knew how.

   
   

9. I do not know how to end a conversation. I recently heard Dr. Megan Neff, on the "Divergent Conversations" podcast, say she doesn't know how to end a conversation. I thought...hmm, outside of work, this could be said about me. Aside from the fact that I enjoy a good discussion, I am not sure when walking away or ending will hurt someone's feelings, or... were they trying to end it too?

   
   

10. I have high fluid reasoning…this means the way that my brain processes is by making connections between things that I know. It's so cool and not entirely conscious. Think of it like a computer, I read and input information, and without thought, my brain shows me the connections between the data.

    
    

The result of this is often what seems like obvious observations that I assume everyone else has made as well, stating them to realize that it's a unique perspective. Yet I miss other things everyone seems to know.

9. I met a well-known Autistic Advocate who asked, "When did you realize that you're Autistic?" He was non-wavering on this, even given my surprise. He said he wasn't quite sure how he knew, maybe something that I do with my eyes when I speak. AND, Neurodivergent people have radar for each other, we know. I really couldn't argue with that.

   
   

10. I am literal at moments that surprise me. My literal thinking is not always obvious, even to me. I would have said I was not literal until a few years ago. A LinkedIn friend noticed a comment on a post that I made and commented, "Robin, that's not what she meant, you're being literal." I was taken aback and have since noticed many times that my default is literal or questioning others, "Do you mean that?", laughing, and also seeking clarification.

    
    

11. People have commented on and been offended by my honesty. Why did you ask me my perspective when you did not actually want to know?

    
    

12. It's taken me some time to understand that people say things to make the other person feel better, even when it is not true. Things like, "that's a nice dress" or "this meal is delicious". I may not have told the person the opposite was true, but I was shocked to observe that people just blatantly lie about topics like this. Many times, parents do not want to know how their children behaved on a playdate at your house, either. I am still trying to figure this one out.

    
    

13. A friend recently told me that I begin conversations in an interesting way. She said you don't ask people "how are you?". You comment on something you notice about them. I said, "Yeah, I know, but I have no idea how else I would start a conversation." She laughed and said it was one of the things she liked about me. I hope she is being honest. I think so.

    
    

14. I am much better one-on-one and do not do well in groups unless I know at least one person well. I noticed this when my children were in school. When I volunteered and had a purpose, I was able to meet people. When I attended unstructured social events, my questions always seemed too deep. I jumped in too soon or too late, and honestly, if I made a friend, they turned out to be neurodivergent, too.

    
    

15. In hindsight, these years made me realize that so many social rules do not make sense to me. Why does a person who seems to be your friend confide in you that they don't like someone, and next week you see them saving a seat for that person? These things are lost on me. If I don't like you, I am not saving your seat. Actually, I am not sitting with you unless there is no other option. If I tell you I don't care for someone, then I trust you; I am not telling them that I don't like you.

    
    

16. I have always had at least one social interpreter. In high school and college, I had a small group of close friends. I was not the leader; I did not know where the parties were or who was doing what before most people knew. BUT... I knew the people who did know, and that helped a lot. At a training or a new job, I always seem to pick up some friendly people who fill me in on the nuances I miss.

    
    

17. I am impulsive and have many ADHD ideas, but I cannot execute until I have systematized them, and then I can't execute the exact system. It must be thoroughly understood and loosely held for me to function. What hell! No wonder neurotypicals don't "get it". This is also why I know so much about Executive Function skills. I need them...kinda.

    
    

18. I self-reference. Everything I am passionate about and share has begun with me. When I hear a story, it first connects with me through my life experiences, then through my knowledge, and finally, I can apply it to the other person's life. On passionate topics like neurotypes, my brain can now skip self-referencing and immediately translate someone's practical experience through a brain lens.

18. I am often described as fun, quirky, and smart. Not sure what that's about. I think "quirky" is the description of my apparent social competence mixed with a sudden displayed lack of social awareness, which I must get away with because I am fun and smart…maybe. 😉🤭🤔

    
    

I am not numbering this one as it's also an ADHD trait, but please do not expect me to make small talk. Why do we do this!? It's painful. Truthfully, I am learning to appreciate it, but it's taken a lot of work.

What This Means for You

So am I ADHD or Autistic? The answer is becoming clearer. I am both and neither.

In realizing that AuDHD is a third brain type ("at least one"), things are beginning to make more sense. In truth, my brain has traits of both of these neurotypes as well as others, yet it isn't quite like the strengths and challenges of either.

My brain is AuDHD.

I hope my journey helps you begin or continue discovering your brain, its strengths, and challenges. In this time of uncertainty, as research works to understand, I recommend that you trust your gut, document your memories, ask the people around you for observations, and develop your own understanding of who you are.

Even when an evaluator draws a conclusion, they may not have you just right. It's not their fault, but the right evaluator will likely evaluate you for both Autism and ADHD if you are wondering if your brain works like either.

If you're questioning whether you might be AuDHD, know that you're not alone in this discovery process. Your self-understanding is valid, even as you seek professional support. Understanding your neurotype isn't about fitting into a box—it's about finally having language for the way you've always experienced the world.

And that understanding- It changes everything.

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